I no longer carry my phone w/ me everywhere… expecting THE phone call at any moment.
I no longer wake in the middle of the night and look at my phone … to see if I missed THE phone call.
I no longer jump to answer the phone when it rings… thinking it’s THE phone call.
I no longer drive 30 miles south a few times a week… and no longer get to have Saturday morning breakfast with my Grampa.
I no longer have that extra quiet time in the car… to process the daily grieving and think through the family issues related to Grampa’s end of life.
I no longer spend extra money on gas… and yet in a heartbeat I’d spend it all over again for one more trip south to see my Grampa.
Having family around more often over the past few months has been cathartic.
Even in the hard times we were laughing… that’s just how we roll.
The laughter with the family will resume… once we come together again to spend time with each other.
Until then… it’s quiet these days.
So in the absence of the phone ringing (and long conversations with family) and the long drives and the enjoyable & necessary family time… I now catch up on “reading people and meeting books”.
These were just a few of the things on my ‘to do (eventually)’ list… and now my time has been freed up a bit so that I can resume checking off the list. This week alone I have taken 3 naps, finished 3 books I was in the middle of and have actually made dinner every night…
Other items on my ‘to do’ list: scan in old family slides, host a girls’-only dinner in the backyard, enjoy my Saturday mornings at home (my favorite time to be at home – if you know me well you know I protect this time as much as possible), etc.
Life resumes… but now without Grampa.
And while I miss him dearly everyday I’m kind of jealous that he has been reunited with Gramma. We love you both and know that you have smiles on your faces once again…